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51 and Zero Apologies: Confessions of an Unapologetically Free Woman




Last weekend I turned 51. Sitting on the sand, my family all around me. Reflecting on a life lived in the public square of an anchor desk and the private world of what I had to hide. As I look in the rear view mirror of my life I see that I’m healing from the bruises left on my soul. And the road ahead? Wide open with limitless destinations. Grateful doesn’t begin to capture the depth of what I feel for the unconditional love and freedom in my life. This is me. Finally and authentically, unapologetically free. 


But this is also me. Unfiltered and free… in a sparkly crop top, my hair dyed blonde and my motorcycle ready for my kind of “zoom meeting”. Unapologetically Me. It took me 50 years to get here and cliche alert- I wouldn’t change a thing. 


Years ago my best friend said to me - “I hope one day you see yourself through my eyes.” It got me thinking how I saw myself. As a public figure people were constantly telling me who I should be… what I should do… and I’ve gotten some really really REALLY awful advice over the years that let’s just say… would never make it in a motivational blog. A talent coach once told me… “Be you but not so much you.” I never knew what that meant especially because I’m a Gemini - so there’s a lot of different versions of me that are very much me. And there’s only one way I want all my selves to live… MORE.  More me. More living. More everything. Does this make me “extra”? Absolutely. And I hope you’ll do the same. Start now. Level up and be every bit of your own MORE. Live large. Laugh hard. Smile huge. Celebrate yourself. Open your heart. Express your emotions. Use your words. Giggle, laugh, dance till you gotta ditch the heels. On stage. In your living room. Take on the waves then soak in the sun. Close your eyes, inhale deep and go live and love your life. For you. You only get one so change your POV if you need to. I don’t have to start over. I get to start over. And I’m taking with me lessons learned the hard way.


Own Your Moment - There is power in silence. The less you say, the more your words will matter. 


Be Unapologetically Selfish - The only person you have to face in the morning is you. So take responsibility and woman up. I said a prayer to God and the universe to clear my space of everything and everyone that does not serve me. Once you let go and decide you want to live YOUR life, a good life, the universe starts to move things to make it happen. The people you need appear, the healing you need takes hold, the doors you need open and the ones you don’t need shut. Once you truly decide that YOU are the love of your life. Miracles ignite.


Change the Culture of Confidence - In the game-changing words of Viola Davis… You are the love of your life. Read that again Duchess… YOU are your greatest love. Stay aligned with your own peaceful energy and make people meet you there. Girl math works as long as you have money. So get lots of it and invest in yourself in whatever makes you feel alive, beautiful and blissfully happy. I can be ugly crying all day but as long as my eyelash extensions are glued on I’m gooooood. And life truly is short so buy the lux bag and fierce red bottoms to match. Save them for your daughters so they are grateful for the finer things and that mom was a badass Queen. Look hot - whether you’re going for groceries or a gala. Eat fries and ditch the mom jeans. 


I’m 51 and I wouldn’t change a thing because cliche- everything happens for a reason. And it all goes into your story. Your story. Your truth. Not some artificial version of your life that people told about you. When I look back now I say to myself ohhhhhhhhh so that’s why that happened! Then I realize that God and the universe have got my back. I can do all things through He who strengthens me.


To my Shiny, Button and Universe - thank you for letting me be the crazy Asian tiger mom that I am and most importantly, thank you for accepting my apologies when I mess up. Being a mom is truly my greatest honor. The trophy you put at the top of the shelf in a glass case...a testament that the hardest struggles bring the greatest reward. My baloney - you are my heart and I am grateful that I get to earn your love everyday. 


And to the lighthouse who sees me but most of all taught me to see myself. 


Let’s do this. 


Chapter 1:

Remember Who the F$* k You Are…


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